izanagi – the nothing that is

Posted: September 16, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

who is the winner? the guy who has the last laugh or the guy who manages the last breath… so should you just live for the day or plan for the future? if winning means losing everything, do you really want to win? i read naruto 510 today and i was astounded at how deeply into these questions the author made me think. i think it is sort of related to my original fb profile post some months back:

sometimes i wish i had a guide, a coach, or mentor but then i’m not one to follow instructions blindly. i would perhaps be over curious about the world, asking too many questions to get anything done, but then who says they are obligated to answer my questions anyway. since i cannot do anything about what i’ve got, i suppose then the only winning attitude left for me is to be glad that i got what i got, and deal.

at least i think i know that my passion is writing or something related to that. there is actually one major glitch that i foresee that might prevent me from writing without restraint: that is in the area of loving relationships. sure i can read up on the ways, but if i think about it – i don’t think i ever actually let myself fall in love, nor would i want to at this point in my life.

right now, i suppose that i am some sort of high maintainance man. my life is somewhat a mess, with all the meds i have to take and doctors visits to make sure im on the right track, it also takes supreme effort to maintain the minimal amount of messiness. although i rarely get mad, my opinions about anything change from day to day, depending on my mood. generally those opinions tend towards improvement, but you never know.

so now since i refuse to burn those bridges just yet, i am currently studying physical therapy with 50% effort, but the rest of the effort seems to be invested in everything else other than writing. sooner or later i’m gonna have to decide which is more important. i don’t know why i’m so afraid that i’ll give up on writing and start a family like any practical man of my age.

actually when i think about it, raising children and preparing for a whole new futures worth of possibilities seems to be the best compromise. i sacrifice one dream for a better dream, and i avoid the being famous trap that i’ve been trying to escape from called vanity. why do people want to change the world so much when they could change themselves and change the world as a sideffect as well. it may not be so obvious to look for the miracle cure within when most cures come from without.

since love is the answer to most questions, the final question comes to this: who do i love? i think its going to have to apply to everybody when i say, i’m going to have to love my self first, without a doubt. i shouldn’t have to criticize my actions, because that just negates the praise i give to my friends. if i don’t believe in my self, why should i believe in you? it comes down to that. even if i say i am just a man, spiritual masters agree – everyone has god inside. the only trouble is how to keep in touch even when you are busy.

note:

since my views have changed since then, its nice to see a little bit of development here and there. so here is what i learned:

the best teachers dispense their lessons according to the uniqueness of the student. it should not matter what your teacher really believes as long as he accomplishes the ultimate goal of letting you seek the required knowledge for yourself. no one knows what you need better than you. you develop passion by exercising the right to desire such needs.

in the end it doesnt matter what we believe as long as we believe it to be true. staying true to yourself is believing in yourself, whatever else we believe in comes from the confidence we make for ourselves.

here is an example of a particular belief system: first you must have faith to have hope, then you must have hope to have love, and out of love comes charity. when you give you reap what you sow, out of that comes truth, then understanding to forgive and be wise.

here is another: you must realize by now that you are ignorant. ignorance causes pain. when you suffer other people suffer. you must take away the log from your own eye before you can remove the needles from other peoples eyes. you must learn about the log and how it is related to yourself. you must use the right information at the right time and place to be enlightened.

the first is good for people who are goalcentric and the other is good for those who are social adrifts. since no one knows how the world really works, it is better to have faith in something that will improve your character rather than confuse it. thus it is often not necessary to change religions, which are like fads that come and go, rather its better to change perspective: explore your options, learn about why other people’s beliefs work for them. dont go too much with the flow and dont work too hard pursuing your own goals, but if you find you cannot maintain discipline maybe you worry too much of the consequences. there is always an exception somewhere though it’s not likely, you are an exception, but dont use that as an excuse.

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